BDP Chapter Five

Don't Bet On the Prince by Dr. Gilda Carle
Chapter Five
Give from the Overflow, Not from the Core
Gilda-Grams:
1) We will never be loved if we can’t risk being disliked.
2) When we over-function for others, we under-function for ourselves.
3) There are givers and there are takers. Takers eat well, and givers sleep well….but not for long.
4) When we state our preferences, we invite people to act as we want, not as they want.
5) Give from the overflow, not from the core.
6) The most basic relationship we have is the one we have with ourselves.
7) Boundaries don’t close people out; they contain you so you don’t disperse you energies where they are unappreciated.
8) Forget the 12-Step programs. Women in pain need only two steps: Get up. Get out.
Being self-centered means that you are centered on your own growth, talents, ambitions, and passions.
9) When we quit trying to please others, we please more people than we know.
You have the right to say no, to offer an opinion, to remain silent, to enjoy pleasure, to pursue passions, to prefer solitude.
10) When you know it’s your right to say “No,” you can freely choose the times you say “Yes.”
We must honor our needs before we honor anyone else’s. People will test your boundaries and will call us names when they don’t their way but the more we stick to them the more we gain respect.
11) Seek respect first, and then liking.

*Again there is a lot to the chapter but a lot of it just talks about stories and gives a lot of pointers that is hard to really summarize. One statement she made that I love: “Anything short of honesty with your lover is manipulation. Is that how you want to start or continue your loving?”
The key points that it makes is that since we want to be liked so badly we forget about our feelings and put others before us, and that makes you look like a doormat.
Speak up for yourself, state your opinions, and don’t worry what others think. Show your backbone!
I know I hate when people think they have to cover up who they are or how the feel just because they are worried what others will think or worried about hurting me with their opinions. Thinking they have to lie to me just so I would like them or stay with them. Come on, people! It’s not the end of the world if someone doesn’t like you. I would rather be hated for being myself then liked for being someone I’m not. Take confidence in yourself and you will get respect.
Being too kind can kill you. Find a balance and take time for yourself to do things you like so that you don’t get burned later in life. Redefining what it is to be self-centered is a great thing, it shows that you can be independent without another person and isn’t it great to have your own life. Would you rather be called selfish or be a doormat?
Never ever let your partner change who you, you shouldn’t have to change to be liked, it just leads to misery when you do. Change because you want to change and you will grow in happiness.
There must be a balance to everything! Every relationship needs balance and life requires compromises, big or small it still needs to be done.*