DBP Chapter Two

Don't Bet On the Prince by Dr.Gilda Carle
Chapter Two
Women Who Bet on the Prince: We’re All in Good Company
Gilda-Gram: Commit to yourself instead of waiting for a prince to commit to you.
Why can’t we enjoy life for itself without a man and enhance our life with one after we have already established ourselves as whole people? Why don’t we supplant the desperation with a desire for enhancement? Every one of us was raised to bet on some prince, women were raised to believe our soul mate was put on this earth to romance us, save us, protect us and take care of us. WE may come from different oceans but we wind up on the same boat, the one labeled “I’m less of a Sailor without a first mate”. Since we attract out of desperation our “soul mate” is more like a “fill-a-hole mate”. We believe that two halves are required to make us whole. We fall in love with our complementary opposite, who also reflects the worst traits from our parents. But once love becomes commitment the romance screeches to a halt and we enter the same power struggle patterns we learned at birth.
Nothing in life that has any value can be created without this absolute commitment. Only when we are self-accepting can we begin to see our partners as they really are.
Gilda-Gram: A relationship’s real objective is to provide the journey for our own personal growth.
Women are fixed on getting the relationship instead of growing it. Women must commit themselves to themselves first. Uphold your right to your behavior and personality and let your partner’s efforts to overpower you with their preferences slide. He should respect your unwillingness to oscillate his attempted domination. You should feel safe with him when there is a deeply established respect and you won’t lose yourself in his company. With him you should continue your personal growth. Losing ourselves to someone we love is a surefire way for us to lose ourselves. That also usually results in losing our love.
It is up to every woman herself to provide the means to rise from the ashes of dependence. A partner can never make a woman whole. Love is not an all or nothing proposition that will fulfill all our needs or none of them. Acquiring love is only part of the challenge; maintaining it over time is the test.
When you begin your romance by believing in, loving and betting on a prince you do not live happily ever after. It was not the prince’s fault, but hers because she assigned him superhuman expectations and allowed him privileges with her power that she should have reserved for herself. Self respect is the basis for a couple’s lasting love.
There are women out there that continue to suffer anorexia, bulimia, emotional/physical pain and abuse just to be loved by a fake prince. Love is not supposed to damage and hurt you. Reinterpret love as an act of extending an already enriched self that will never put up with a man’s put-downs.
Each time you agree with something that goes against your grain, day by day you lose yourself. Many times we will follow our parent’s footsteps with relationships since we don’t see otherwise. Assess the choices we make and re-create new and bolder versions of who we are to become. When a woman wears her heart on a sleeve on which a man can wipe his sniveling nose, it’s an open invitation for disaster. A woman who thinks well of herself understands that he next mistake will be a new mistake, not reruns of the old scenarios.
The only way to keep a man coming around is to keep him intrigued with who we are, not jus tour bodies but with our selves, for carnal delights fade quickly. Feeling good about yourself insures the right to control your own destiny in the face of peer pressure. The sooner you open your legs, the quicker the guy closes his heart.
Gilda-Gram: Happiness begins when we recognize reality.
Once we recognize where we are we can create a more hopeful but realistic dream. Beating yourself up about something is needless and de-energizing. Use assessment as a starting point to begin your commitment to take action. Take it as an agreement with yourself to start making the changes you need to enhance your life.