DBP Chapter Nine

Don't Bet On the Prince by Dr. Gilda CarleChapter Nine
Apply the Language of Sex
Flirting is eye-centered teasing, throbbing, and luring foreplay. It requires that a woman know who she is, that she know her Power. The look of love expresses that a woman feels good about herself.
Sexuality is an expression of sensuality. Sensuality expresses our willingness to probe our sense for excitement.
Close your lips & legs and open your ears & heart. Believe in your own sexuality.
Gilda-Gram: There is a sex goddess in every women- and she is you.
When we are comfortable with ourselves, we can freely ask our partners for what we need.
Passion can hit quickly and fade just as fast; commitment requires the building of intimacy over time. Sex gets better over time when you develop an emotional intimacy first. Friends first, lovers later.
Gilda-Gram: 1) Horizontal loving is enhanced when vertical caring is intact. 2) How we love is learned, not inherited. What we lean can also be unlearned.
The process cannot be rushed, because there will be testing & trusting and pushing & pulling. Each step may require another negotiation. With each negotiation, we learn something new about ourselves. Therein lies the greatest objective of life- to learn and grow.
Gilda-Gram: Intimacy depends more on our willingness to trust than on our skill at sex.
Sexual communication must be honest communication.
Gilda-Gram: The Language of Sex speaks volumes about things a couple won’t discuss.
A recent survey found that 55 percent of women said that sex without love was not enjoyable. A woman needs love to find comfort in sex, while a man needs sex to find comfort in love.
Gilda-Gram: Good communication is the best lubrication.
When two people are honest, no engages in an activity before they are ready.
Gilda-Gram: 1) A turned-on woman is an aphrodisiac. 2) Don’t get naked until you feel safe.
Little white sexual lies often punctuate even the best relationships. Intimacy demands honesty.
Gilda-Gram: For successful sexual union, each partner must have a clear sexual identity.
When a couple is willing to wait for intimacy, they take their time in getting to know each other. This way, when they are ready, they can honestly share their preferences.
She must know who she is, what she’s about, and she must be openly willing to share this knowledge.
Gilda-Gram: Sex is not an act we do; it is an expression of who we are.

*This chapter talked a lot about sex. It brought up a good point on how it is good for your health and wondered why we didn’t desire it more. I have chosen to longer be sexually active with anyone until I know they love me for who I am (for all my glory and all my flaws) because I need to be intimate before I get into the sheets and I also need to return that love and feelings. I do think it’s important to have, but I also believe that you shouldn’t sleep with just anyone just because it’s good for your health. I believe that each time you sleep with someone you do give a piece of yourself away and the more you sleep with people the less you have to give to the next person who might deserve it.
That great love should take time and you should take all the time to enjoy it and build it up.
They also talk about how communication and honesty is key for great sex but since we both have our fears it doesn’t usually happen.
I won’t put on love goggles just because I sleep with a guy. But I won’t sleep with a guy until I can see out of the love goggles clearly.*