DBP Chapter Six

Don't Bet On the Prince by Dr. Gilda Carle
Chapter Six
Know How to Receive
Gilda-Gram: The art of receiving begins by giving to yourself.
Most women enjoy being able to give, but they must also show their openness to receive. It begins with the ability to receive our own goodness, be kind to ourselves, to count ourselves as number one, and to consider our needs first. In order to have a loving relationship with a partner, you must first have a loving relationship with yourself.
Gilda-Gram: When you give to yourself, others learn how you want to be treated.
The acceptance of material things is simply an extension of the notion of “I deserve.” When we learn to be a recipient of our own caretaking, we can receive both a man’s emotional kindness and his material generosity. A woman’s eagerness to be accepting and receptive in both is important for a relationship to thrive.
Gilda-Gram: You cannot receive if you cannot forgive.
Human beings cause each other to suffer, often without reason. The ability to forgive someone who has hurt us is usually a problem for most and I doing so hurts your relationship. Getting your feelings out and getting on with your life will loosen negative emotions. Forgiveness of others releases you and it healthy and selfish in the best sense.
Gilda-Gram: Spend your time willing your happiness rather than willing your man’s misery.
What goes around comes around. Revenge may seem sweet, but is it worth the time and energy? Time not only heals all wounds, it wounds all heels and he will suffer his own indignities when the time is right. Just don’t have a hand in them or else you will also suffer.
Gilda-Gram: Your will to love must be stronger than your wish to hate.
When you have cleared out the negative, allow the good things to take its place then you can grow.
Gilda-Gram: Whoever is hurting must initiate the healing. Life dents us. Women work hard to fix the dents. Men just work.
Your negative energy holds you back if you wait for him to thank you. Where there is no pain, there can be no gain.
Gilda-Gram: Not forgiving someone is just another way of remaining together.
Anger doesn’t keep you separated; it keeps you together. Most people prefer the devil they know rather then the devil they don’t know. While you are physical separated you can remain emotional connected. The fear of getting hurt is another reason why we do not forgive but it drains us emotionally. Putting someone to rest is far healthier than having him continue to contaminate your thoughts.
Gilda-Gram: What we think about, we bring about.
Positive thoughts make us physically strong. They empower us and make us rich. Negative thoughts make us weak. They limit us and make us poor. When we choose to let go, it’s not another person’s action we forgive, it’s the judgment we’ve made about that action. We decide ourselves how we perceive our hurt.
Gilda-Gram: There are no victims, only volunteers.
We can choose to be a fault finder or a love finder. Choose whether you want your negative emotions to own you or to get on with your life. Volunteer to let go so next time you respond out of strength rather than weakness.
Gilda-Gram: When you heal your relationship with someone else, you heal your relationship with yourself.
Keep remembering that you do deserve top-notch treatment and begin by giving yourself it.

*the book goes into examples of bad questions women ask and what they should ask instead. I decided not to put that in here since it doesn’t really seem to fit in with the Gilda-Gram. But she does bring up a couple great points and here they are:*
As soon as we become upset about someone’s behavior, we hand him the remote control to our heartstrings.
When you are part of a team, you must let go of your need to be right.
Your job is to concentrate on your own life, where your efforts will place you on the next step of your growth.
Trust is the ability to count on your partner as you count on yourself.
Change and growth are motivated and initiated by the person themselves, if and when they find the need. Your need to change them is arrogant.
Women must choose the man they want on the basis of who he is. But to do that, they must first accept themselves for who they are.

*In the next part of the chapter, asking artful questions and receiving honesty, she talks about asking good questions without probing. You should take the time to ask and not get offended when if they react badly and to give them time to answer. She also says to take the time to get to know them and what before jumping into bed. You should listen more and show understanding.*

Gilda-Gram: Receive your man: lovingly with your eyes, thoughtfully with your mind, understanding with your heart.
Like us, men want to be heard and embraced without judgment. Love is a two way street. Not only does it involve giving but it also requires being able to receive gracefully.

*I do understand the need to forgive ex-partners for the pain they caused you and the lies they told you and the broken promises in order to help move on. But I also believe some do not deserve it and for other reasons they will never get it. Instead I have learned to just let it go. I shouldn’t blame any one, for things happen for a reason. I look at the positive and learn from it. I know I won’t let it happen again and in a way I am grateful for the pain. I’m not always right and I’m not always wrong. My eyes get opened to new things and from that I grow. So I do owe some form of thanks, yes I do hold onto some bitterness, but I don’t let it control my life. There is a much greater power in just letting go and I have found a great power in that. For there is no point in thinking of people you do not like, pity those you hate and praise God for not making you like them and focus on the people you love. For revenge is wrong and it can come back to you. The best revenge is to live a better life. From all that I have found inner joy and happiness. I’m proud of who I am and I am blessed that I know what I know now. I know what I want and who I am, I know my barriers and will keep these lessons in my heart while I carefully look for a partner. Love and spread good karma*