Everybody lies but why they lie is always different. It could be small and harmless or big and serious. Even the small harmless ones can destroy a relationship, especially when they are frequent. People lie because they can, people lie when they don’t feel safe telling the truth, people lie to get what they want, people lie because they can get away with it, and some people lie just because they like too. Nothing excuses the behavior. But it’s easier to pull out teeth then it is to stop. So start with yourself first.
Build a relationship based on good intentions and acting on goodwill. Treat your partner’s feelings as if they are your own. Create an environment with zero tolerance for adversarial energy between you both. You can also hook each other up to a polygraph machine or you can learn to listen and trust your gut. Have ground rules, open communication, and strategies for how to proceed.
Think of how you feel when you are lied to and how you feel when you find out the truth. If something caused you pain why would you do it to someone else. So put yourself in the other’s place and think of how you would feel.
When you catch a lie your trust is damaged. You can learn to forgive but you will never forget. If they consistently lie and lose your trust (big/small) then leave them and don’t let them talk their way back into your life. If they have done it once they always do it again. The stress of a pathology liar is not worth the comfort of dreams.
A relationship built on lies falls apart at the truth.
*I know there are also some people who would rather be lied to then being told the truth. I have done that and I hated it but they felt like they left me no choice since they did not want the truth and it hurt me more. So I have put that behind me, I will not lie because it hurts me and it hurts them either way. Yes I may lie from time to time still, it is a human nature, and sometimes it is needed to illustrate a point or because I just don’t know how to deal with some people. But I am striving to be honest with myself first so I can be honest with others. For I hate being lied to and I would rather have the truth, because once I find out the lie it hurts more than what was lied about. So if people can not handle my bluntness then I do not need them around because I will not lie to you even if you want me too. If you do not want me to tell you the truth then do not ask me.*
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