Some things about Marriage

Marriage is not a destination; it’s a journey filled with equal parts excitement and tedium. It takes work and getting married doesn’t mean you are done.

Human beings are not simple creatures. We all are complicated. Once you think you have mastered the material, it changes and you change too. As two people grow and evolve the work is finding a way to relate to and nurture each other in the process. The effort is a forever thing, it’s a lifestyle. It is a blessing to change constantly. Checking in regularly with each other can make you both happy and involved in each other’s evolving lives. You can grow together. Find a balance between time for two and time for you. Find the right balance, neither partner feels slighted or smothered.

It is ok to go to bed angry. You need to sleep on arguments since you need to calm down, gain perspective and need to just give it a rest. You need to pinpoint why you feel hurt or why you are angry. Most spouses don’t solve problems when they are mad. The partner just gets more and more furious. When we are overwhelmed by emotions our concentration is shot and we lose the ability to resolve arguments fairly. When you can’t do that arguing gets you nowhere and bullying them will not get you anywhere and it leads to resentment.
You need to take a step back and wait until you have calmed down. Reexamine the situation and find a reason behind it. Don’t let too much time pass before expressing resentments or the anger will build up to a point where the punishment won’t match the crime. Just kiss for a few seconds to remind you of your enduring affection and sleep on it. Wait a while to get a hold of yourself and once the emotions have settled stat your position. Taking a break will help you see the problem and let it go. Hold a meeting each week in which you tell each other what you appreciated that week and then bring up one issue.

There may be dry spells in your marriage and that’s ok. It’s not a sign that you lost your appeal, it could just mean sleep is more important this week. Keep the focus on figuring out your own rhythm. Life happens; just make sure you both are still doing something like hugging and kissing. A little touch and attention can keep you feeling connected. Sex is more than a physical act. It’s crucial for the health of your emotional connection, something only you two share. It can draw you back together when you are drifting apart.

Both of you may feel like you are the one who is always right and horns get locked. But the more right one of you becomes the more discontented your partner is. For certain disagreements there are no right or wrong, there is just your way of looking at things and their way. Get to know your partner and learn to appreciate them for who they are. Instead of harping on who is right or wrong sincerely acknowledge their point of view by saying “I see your point” or “I hadn’t considered it that way”. Just being heard is better than having to prove you self right.
Find a shared dream for your life together. Happy couples go on to create folklore and history. When you share a dream together it is more likely to some true.

For those that think they can change a person that they love just to make them closer to perfect believes they are doing the right thing. It always fails since we can not change a full-grown person by stripping them of decades old habits, beliefs, and feelings; it often really hurts the relationship and love. Rants only make people resentful. But you can change yourself and your attitude and how you respond to them. So instead of complaining they forgot one thing, thank them for something they did remember.

Choose each other as your first family. One in which husband and wife are the A-team. Teaming up together to deal with issues will make your united front stronger. Knowing that no matter what you have each other's back.

Build a best friendship. Trust comes with true intimacy, the willingness to be vulnerable, and the confidence that the friendship can withstand some conflict. When you are true friends you acknowledge and respect what the other person is. You don’t try to control or change them for they value you for who you are. You don’t know how strong a relationship is until it is tested. If you can make it past a big bump you can come out tighter then ever. Chaos can either rip you apart or bring you closer together. You can take turns losing it and be there to keep each other sane. Having someone be there for you through hardships can make it a lot easier to go through them. Be grateful the drama is over, there are still thorny issues, but the anxiety is gone. You no longer have to worry about being dumped. Life without the questions of something being a deal-breaker can be amazing.

When you marrying someone you agree to be there for better or worse, richer or poorer, and in sickness or health. It is saying that you want to commit to them for the rest of your life and that you would do what it takes to make it work. It insures security. Marriage can hold different meanings to some. Some people take it serious and some take it lightly. It is best to define what it means to you and how you should take it and make sure your partner agrees with you.

*I once had a guy who didn’t like the idea of marriage, it was just an expensive piece of paper and that it doesn’t mean what it used to anymore because of the divorce rates. He had no problem being committed to just one person but since I knew what marriage meant to me I knew I had to have that guarantee and security. I needed a partner that would give me that unconditional commitment and love. Since to me it goes beyond a piece of paper, it’s proving that you will stay committed to one person and will always be there through thick and thin and no matter what you will not give up. Plus it gives you a lot of benefits and can make some things a lot easier to get. To me divorce is only an option if one partner is getting abused (emotionally/physically) because abuse is not an acceptable form of expressing your love.*